Nowhere in the Bible does it actually say that Jesus instructed wailing, vomiting migraines to throw down their Nurofen and walk, but the revelation in Gaetano Vivo’s pamphlet that the Son of God used an early form of Reiki healing on cripples, lepers and blind people naturally gives me modest hope for my headaches. And after a visit to Vivo’s Reiki clinic in Chiswick, I can well understand why Jesus enjoyed the sort of following that early practitioners of crystal healing, metaphysical rebirthing and zen shiatsu did not.
The origin of Reiki as an healing treatment
Reiki-‘developed in Japan in the 19th century by Mikao Usui who sought the same methods Jesus used’- is a straightforward procedure, with none of the gunk and palaver common to other treatments. For instance, the 15-minute underwear crisis I endured before leaving the house proved unfounded, as my clothes stayed on. For this small mercy I sent up a prayer to the god of perished knicker elastic. Vivo, a huge, gentle man, did little more than cup my head in his huge, hot palms, but the resulting sense of wellbeing was phenomenal. If an hallelujah chorus and cherubim escort had accompanied me back to the station, I would not have been surprised.
An healing that fits modern lifestyle
For all these reasons, Reiki strikes me as a form of healing perfectly tailored to the stressful lifestyle of the modern commuter. We have Le Shuttle, we have Tesco Metro, surely it can only be a matter of time before express Reiki booths are introduced at Underground stations across the capital. They will not all be fortunate enough to be manned by my Reiki master from W4, and his is not exactly the hand of God, but at 5pm on a busy Friday evening, it’s damn near as close as you’re going to get.